To that old communist with the long white beard...

I have come to address you regarding some... concerns regarding the state of my fledgling pseudo-empire, and due to time constraints, I shall do this quickly. Very quickly. Therefore, in order for me to not exercise my will on your little polar hideaway, you shall comply to these conditions:

1. A Powermac G5, with a copy of Mac OS X, for this shall come in handy in my future conquests.
2. A WACOM tablet, these hands long for its lukewarm, slender grip.
3. A USB drive, because due to his eminence's circumstances, there is a need for such a device.
4. A legitimate copy of Maya 6, as this is for the future of his glorious empire.
5. The Complete Sid Meier's Civilization set, for training purposes.
6. A pair of britches and a foil, yeah, you heard me!
7. Lisa Loeb's... bah, all of Lisa's albums, indie stuff included, because Decembers are cold and his eminence does not have a girlfriend...
8. Lisa Loeb herself, now that we're all about it, put Tina Fey in it too.
9. The complete Monty Python's Flying Circus DVD set, this ought to keep me from bothering you for a long time...
10. A Fender electric guitar, with matching amp and distortion and wah attachments, because it's just about damn time, his eminence has to ROCK.......and......ROLL!!!!!

Failure to comply to these terms shall lead to a most unpleasant "gradual cynicism drive" that I shall vigorously instill amongst the youth of the world. In short, as long as none of these goods are delivered, the more you shall be sent to total non-profit occupational unemployment. You have been warned.

Oh, and to further motivate you...

I wonder how the Moms Against Illegal Substances would react to this...

And I wonder what Tipper Gore will do to the youth of America for this...